Hoffman's spring break will be funded entirely by his parents.

Finance Student Burning Through Parents’ Money

According to reports, Evan Hoffman, a senior business major with an emphasis in corporate finance, has now borrowed money from his parents for the third time since winter break after exhausting his current cash supply. Hoffman, who is finishing his third semester in the Kenan-Flagler Business School and will one day manage millions of dollars


Hot philanthropic action.

Undie Run Provides Opportunity for Hot, Sweaty, Half-Naked Philanthropy

UNC’s first ever Undie Run gave Tar Heels a chance to help out a good cause in a way that felt so wrong and yet so right. The fundraiser allowed participants who donated clothes to strip down for a run from SASB Courtyard to the Old Well with hoards of other fun, free-spirited coeds. “All donations


Get a room, assholes.

Love is in the Air Among Assholes

Spring has sprung and all the assholes on this campus are enjoying the exhilaration of new love. Reports indicate that hoards of self-centered dicks are walking around this campus with significant others like the whole damn planet revolves around them and their beautiful budding infatuation. “It’s fucking nauseating,” says local curmudgeon Byron Eldridge. “These dipshits


This man needs an Advil.

“There’s Always Next Year,” Thinks Everyone Except Seniors

Twenty-four hours after UNC’s men’s basketball loss to Iowa State Monday, sources reported that freshmen, sophomores, and juniors have gotten over their disappointment and are now happily looking forward to next season. Seniors, meanwhile, are still experiencing inconsolable sorrow at having the last basketball game of their collegiate career end on a referee decision to


Mockup of the T-shirt for the allegedly philanthropic clambake, which Zeta Meredith Anheimer attests "doesn't even BEGIN to do the shirts justice."

Sorority Busted for Inventing Charity Just for the Fundraiser T-Shirts

After a lengthy investigation, the University’s fraternities system has confirmed claims that the Zeta Tau Alpha sorority completely invented a charity for its recent fundraising clambake for the sole purpose of buying commemorative event T-shirts. Officials have called the chapter’s actions “reprehensible,” stating that no records of the alleged charity, “Kraftz for Kidz,” exist in


I love fun.

I’d Like to Be on the Front Page of the DTH, Please

By Devon Madison Hello. I’m quirky and I go here and I’d like to be on the front page of the Daily Tar Heel, if that’s okay. My name is Devon Madison, though you might have heard of my alter ego, Big Money Mad Dog. I’m just “that guy,” you know? Like I’m the one